on finding community

He stood there nervous and fidgety.  He was wearing his special first day of school outfit that we had picked out together, packed his backpack with all the pencils, glue, and Clorox wipes that he could fit.  His lunch was packed with all his favorite foods.  He was ready.  He was nervous.  

That morning, he walked in to his kindergarten classroom with a nervous confidence that echoed my own heart.  I stood there, nervous for him, but also excited for this new stage of life we were embarking.  I woke up early and made sure I had my own first day outfit, of sorts, and not my usual yoga pants and tank top.  I wanted to leave a good impression on his teacher, but a big part of me, wanted to leave an impression on the other moms.  In my heart, I wanted them to like me.   

I was so excited for the afternoon to come.  I arrived 15 minutes early hoping that I would connect with a mom.  I stood there awkwardly while moms, dads, and grandmas stepped onto the grassy pick-up area.  Moms stood scattered across the grass awkwardly pretending to scroll through their social media feed.  Each one appeared more nervous that someone would talk to them then they were of their child’s day.  

My kids are both older now, both making their way through the ranks of our small neighborhood school.   I think back to those early years, when my boys were teeny, and my friends were those moms around my MOPS table or my small group table.  Those friendships were the easiest, because it was it was a safe place to share our hearts.  I think about how much more difficult it was to step out of my comfort zone and make new friends as we started our elementary school journey then it was in the safety of our church community.  

When I stepped out of my safety zone and turned off my phone, I found other moms slowly joined me to laugh at a mysterious shoe disappearance, vent about a meltdown that morning, or celebrate a pregnancy announcement.  Eventually, we started getting together for dinner and coffee dates.  Slowly, I found community with my fellow school moms.  

The truth is, community did not come overnight.  We live in an age where technology is always at our fingertips.  We can safely scroll our social media feeds without making a single attempt at actual human interaction. Yet, it doesn’t feed our soul.  Sure, we might laugh at an incredibly on point motherhood meme or laugh at a clip of a Tim Hawkins video, but it doesn’t fuel us like the face to face conversation between friends. Conversation that brings mutual encouragement, smiles, and joy. 

 We have to let go of the fear of being judged (because, let’s face it, we have this horrible way of making ourselves feel better by being master judgers) and take a risk and talk to someone.  If you are craving a nice conversation with some moms, you might have to be the one to start it.  

The year my son entered kindergarten, I craved conversation with these ladies and it wasn’t until I put my phone down that conversations started happening.  Eventually, I got a little bit more courageous and invited several to brunch.  Ladies actually came! We sat around my patio for way longer than I expected. Toddlers played in the yard, while we sat, talked and ate carbs.  No one was in a hurry to leave until our phones reminded us of the time.  One sweet mom left with the biggest smile on her face, and I know it fed her sweet soul, too!  

The moment I knew I had found friends that were more than just acquaintances, was the day I received a frantic message from another mom needing me to grab her child.  Their house had just been broken into and she was dealing with a rather large mess and a police report. She couldn’t leave and she didn’t want to bring her little one back to the chaos. She needed someone she trusted and it meant a lot to me that I could be that person for her.  My sweet boy got a play date and I baked some cookies to send home to add sweetness to her crummy day.  Community is not only friends to chat with, but friends you can rely on. 

The school-aged years of mom hood are hard.  Our kids are growing more independent by the day, we have a choice to be courageous and allow other moms into our life.  Start by praying.  Take time to pray for those ladies that you see daily. Ask God, to foster those relationships and to provide opportunities to connect with them. Don’t be afraid to ask Him for courage to step into discomfort and take the first step. Be brave and put down your phone. No matter your personality, starting a conversation with someone you don’t know is hard.  Find that mom that you think you might connect with and go compliment her or ask her a question. Take a risk and invite a mom or two for coffee.  See what happens.  And finally, get involved in your child’s school.  Some of my favorite people, I met at our monthly parent club meetings! Before you know it these people will be more than just acquaintances that you get together with once a month.

Finding community in your child’s school is so worth it, once you take the risk.  It definitely doesn’t come easy, but it is completely worth it!