Getting Creative during Covid: Dating your Spouse

 Let's travel back in time for a minute to our first Valentine's Day as a married couple.  I was in my second year teaching and Jon was working part time and working on his Masters Degree.  We both (foolishly) decided we were just too tired to cook and that we would go out to dinner . . . for Valentine's Day.  We chose one of our favorite Italian places. . . a popular chain in a popular area of town.  I am pretty sure that everyone else did too!  We waited 3 hours to get seated.  We were well trained in waiting in lines thanks to a recent Disneyland trip and hung out trying to make the best of it.  We even found a few friends who were waiting in line or had just finished eating.  By the time, we finally got seated at our table, we were so hungry that we just wanted them to bring us bread.  We quickly ordered. . . we had waited in line for 3 hours. . . we knew what we wanted. . . ha ha! By the time our food arrived, I am pretty sure we had consumed several loaves of bread. . . dipped in olive oil (It is soo good).  We ate a few bites of our food (we were now full), paid and headed back to our cute little apartment.  I can honestly say that we have never. . . ever celebrated Valentines Day like this since.  

The next year, we tried our hand at ordering heart shaped pizza from a local pizza place and just staying home. . . it arrived an hour late and not heart shaped.  Clearly, Valentines Day should not be celebrated on Valentines Day.  But, regardless of our very memorable Valentines Day failures, I can honestly say that we look back at them and laugh.  We love any excuse to celebrate and Valentines Day will always be kind of special because that's the day that Jon first took me on a date and expressed an actual interest to be more than just 2 friends hanging out.  We just had to get creative on how we celebrated.  

For 12 years now, this blog has been a place where we find ways to be creative as moms and busy women wearing all the hats we can manage (often feeling like we are wearing too many!).  I've always wanted to write a post about creative date nights and have never sat down to write it.  I've probably written several similar posts while in the shower, but never actually putting them down on paper.  Over the years, I have seen so many marriages crumble and it's just heartbreaking.  This year, amidst the pandemic, I've seen more marraige casulties than ever before. Between all the famous people "breaking up" or the friends that are struggling during this pandemic, it is still heart breaking.  

Jon and I have made a goal to be as intentional as possible to have dates.  We purposely set some aside money each month (going out to dinner is cheaper than a divorce!)  But, I will be honest with you, this was so much easier pre-pandemic when kids were at school or restaurants were open.  This pandemic made it hard and we realized we needed to be intentional about spending time just the two of us doing fun things.  Let's be honest, the kids (no matter how old) are always there!  I also want to mention that each stage of life and parenthood comes with it's own hurdles to jump to make dating your spouse work.  Don't get frustrated or discouraged.

This is where being creative comes to play. Here are some of our favorite ways to sneak in a date while in a pandemic.  Many of these we've adapted from our "Normal" life made them work with the current state of things.  We've been doing variations of these for years, but yesterday I stumbled across the word "microdate" and seriously it's the best name for all of these!

1.  Take walks together.  Whether the kids are strapped in a stroller or they are old enough to leave at home for a bit, take some time to leave your house and go for a walk.  Each night, we walk around our neighborhood and just talk.  We dream, we vent, we laugh, we listen. Sometimes, we just listen to the geese flying home to go to sleep.  It's one of my favorite parts of the day! (We do this while the kids are reading before bed. . . they are calming down and we are walking. . . it's perfect!).  

2.  Coffee Dates. Prepandemic, we loved going to a local coffee shop and chatting over our favorite lattes.  Since life shut down almost a year ago, we order our coffees and one of us (mostly jon, because he's already up) drives to pick it up.  The kids watch their Saturday morning shows while we sit around our fire pit and drink our coffee.  

3.  Take out and a movie.  Our restaurants just opened up for outdoor dining, but we still get take out because even when you can't get a babysitter, you can still have take out!  The kids get to watch a movie in one room while we watch a movie and eat our dinner in the other.  Pre pandemic, this was our Sunday night tradition, but now we have to be more intentional, because we found ourselves rushing to eat to get to the next thing.  Don't do that. . . . separate yourselves from the kids and just enjoy each other's company.  

4.  Go golfing together.  I know that many of you will laugh, but golfing. . . even just hanging out at the driving range is a lot of fun.  It's a slow moving sport and allows conversation and talking while you play.  Plus, if you have some rage to get out. . . just take it out on the golf ball. . . ha ha!  Golfing has been one thing we could do while social distancing.  Sometimes we go as a whole family and sometimes we go just the two of us.  

5.  Game night. Put some of your favorite candy and snacks (or get the fixings for a charcuterie board) and maybe a bottle of wine on your next grocery order.  Grab your favorite game and put the kids to bed.  Once their asleep, head the bedroom for a game night date night.  If you want some extra fun. . . highest or lowest score each round has to take off an article of clothing (wink wink). 

6.  Target run.  Give yourselves each 5 dollars, split up and buy each other something silly.   Set the timers on your phone and go!  

7.  Sneak out to run some errands and pick up some ice cream or a donut and just sit in the car and talk. 

 I know that sometimes you might be feeling like you are spending too much time together, but often times, the reality is together but not together.  There are days when Jon and I both home and we're all doing our own thing we forget to take time for each other.  We need to make sure we are investing in our spouses.  Find their love language.  See what makes them really feel loved and go with it.  Take time to do things alone together. . . use that creativity that God gave you to invest in your marriage.  It's worth it! 

 happy valentines day!  

p.s. Aaron and Jamie Ivey are coming out with a really cool book on marriage next Month.  Jon and I can't wait to get started! 

p.p.s. Need more ideas?  Check out this book. It has tons of ideas!